Chocolate lover

Helloo cyberworld! It’s been awhile hasn’t it, since I last blogged?

Yes, that is dues to my sudden, compulsive urge not to blog. haha.

Wicked sense of humour I have, dont I?

I kind of like to think that I’m sounding like Yoda from Star Wars right now but I guess I’m just flattering myself. That little puny green guy was sooo cute and adorable.

A lot has happened since I last blogged. I finish my internship, I went to Singapore, got sick, felt really homesick, came home then a few days later checked into the Ayurvedic Centre for my detox which was, by the way, torturous. Then I came home and stared pigging out again and have started to feel guilty again.

Brilliant cycle I have going on.

Plus my cousins and godmother are back from the UK since my grandfather is ill.

OH JOY. No, really, I mean it. Im HAPPY.

Kind of unlikely for me but I dont feel like writing much about what happened from the time I stopped (paused) blogging till today. So I will just move forward I guess.

Hmm. 21 more days till I’m off to London! Countdown has started and I dont know whether to feel glad or scared. I mean, I’ve been looking forward to this day since I knew college and universities existed and yet, now that the time is approaching, I realized I”m gonna miss my comfort zone. My home, my room, my family, my friends. Everything that I’ve known for the past 18 years of my life is being left behind.

Since I put it that way, it sure is scary huh?

I mean, I’m nervous about whether I’ll make good friends, whether I’ll fit in, whether people will like me, whether I will be able to deal with my studies. All these thoughts are making me feel insecure…

I should probably pause by ranting for a moment and explain here that today is not my best day. I’m feeling depressed and down and really really low. Things have been a tad complicated lately and I dont know, I guess there are too many things running through me right now. Plus I think it’s gonna be that particular time of the month again so I could pin all these mood swings to that (Plus I need something to blame for all the chocolate I’ve been eating today.)

So yeah, that’s it. Now Im missing my best friend! Oh gosh Mei Theng! How will I ever survive without you??

Im going off to a shopping haven and I’m leaving my shopping buddy behind. How uncool is that?

See what a blumberring mess I’m in.

On the bright side, I guess this post marks the day that Kaitlin Marian comes back to blogging.

Dont expect too many blog posts though, I’m a busy (Okay, yes kind of lazy as well) woman.

Toodlelloos!

xx

It’s official. I have lost my mood to blog. Yeap, completely gone. Just like that.  POOF! And I have nooo idea why.

It’s Tuesday today. My second last day at work. Monday, surprisingly few by amazingly fast. I spent the whole of yesterday sitting in a colleague’s place (She was on leave yesterday and today, just my luck since now, I actually have a computer with internet access to spend my time on.). My boss took me out for lunch as well. She took me to Paddington’s House of Pancakes. I was pleasantly pleased at the food there. I had this pancake dish which came with chicken and mash potatoes and all. It was awesome! It was called San Fransisco Pancake or something. Then for dessert we had this little pancakes with ice cream which was delicious. I was so stuffed!

Then after that amazing lunch (Boss did most of the talking, I, not so much), back to the office and before I knew it, it was 5.30 and I had my farewell dinner to attend. Joyee, Regina, Mandy and myself cam-whored abiT as well. Then about 20 or so of the interns came, half of which I have honestly never seen before. There was this couple among them who were really irritating. They just came in two weeks ago so I’ve never seen them till last night. They were all lovey dovey, dint join in the conversation, plus they kept talking in this accent which is acceptable if they spent years studying abroad but the girl only talked with the accent because the guy is of Mixed blood. (British plus Chinese but he has mata sepet anyways)

Besides that, it was all good. A little awkward at times but they were all darlings anway.

Which reminds me, I had an awesome Saturday with my girlfriends 4 days ago. We went to Mid Valley to watch Sex and the City2. The movie was great. There were some negative critisimn about the movie but I honesty found it fine. A good chick flick. We wow-ed at some of the outfits and cringed at the rest of it. For a fashion movie, I sure as hell wont wear half of what they wore on the movie.

Then we had lunch and had a good laugh watching this group of young Indian kids dating. Seriously, they had more PDA than the average 20 year old. These kids start young. We laughed so much till one of the girls felt insecure and kept flashing us angry glances which made us laugh even more. She tought we were looking at her boyfriend who no offence, looked like a scarecrow!

Then Kalai and Daya had to go back so Mei Theng and I went shopping. I got this cute knitted hat and also some headbands which were super cute. We reached home at 8pm and boy, was I tired.

Sunday, I had to get up early to go to church. Then I had a late breakfast afterward which made me skip my lunch which made me regret ever skipping my lunch. Yes, by 5pm I felt so sick I seriously thought I was going to be sick. Never skip meals. Gosh.

I went to the ayurvedic doctor with my mum and he booked us in for the detox treatment I was pestering my mum I wanted to go for. I so wanna get rid of all the pimples and blemished that mysteriously came this year after years of relatively good skin. Plus I want to clean myself inside out and this is a safe, healthy way to do so since I can NEVER survive on a diet.

So yeah. That’s what happened. The blog is all over the please and I’m feeling irritated that it’s all over the place which makes me want to not blog.

ARGH! Such a mess, such a mess. Stupid blog. I dont know what to write now. Plus the view rates have decreased the past day or so, so I dont even have the mood to write something silly or ridiculous. I’ve lost my writing sparkle! Oh dang, whatever. Logging off now! Till later (whenever that may be).

 I read all the Twilight books and I only have one question. If all the humans that become vampires are beautiful then what happens if a fat, potato couch gets turned into a vampire? Does he turn beautiful too or will he be dazzling and have white skin and still be fat and lumpy?

I’m having a bit of a writer’s block so I’m going to try and push the truck that’s in my brains to make it’s way through the mud anyway.

So here goes: Twilight!

The third movie is going to be out soon and I cant wait to watch it but no, Im not a die hard Twilight fan. I enjoyed the books, it was well written and it was relatively light and easy to read. It dealt with relatively simple issues (as compared to books like The Da Vinci Code, The Lost Symbol, Eragon, Acacia among others) and it was relatively predictable at time and enjoyable if your not a harsh critic. Stephanie Meyer has just enough writing skills to make it a good read but sometimes you just wish it was a tad better. Hard to explain but if you’ve read tonnes of books, most of them not as famous as Twilight but definately much better written with a more stimulation plot, you tend to have higher expectations on overrated books like this.

Stephanie Meyer is SOOO good that by her writing, she has succeded in making ME, a relatively unhating person, dislike Bella Swan more than anything else. I mean, Bella Swan is the most silly girl I’ve ever read about. (Sorry, it IS personal.) I have nothing against the fact that she is a quiet, timid, clumsy girl. I dont mind her being kind and soft and sensitive. (Wait a sec! There IS  a difference between soft and sensitive! Sensitive is good! A soft lead character is just so irritating!)

 But what I absolutely CANNOT stand is the fact that Bella Swan falls for Edward then befriends Jacob then ditches Jacob when Edward comes back but still is emotionall involved with him. That’s cheating, whether you like it or not. She toyes with feelings and wants em both and this indirectly gives message to all young female readers that hey! It’s okay to like and want to guys cause guys are suckers and I’m gonna get away with it and it will all end good. Yeap, but we all know how untrue that is in reality. I want and like simple, straightforward, two people relationship. Triangles and squares are a no no for me. Told you it’s personal.

So yeah, that’s why I dislike Bella Swan and I find it a little disconcerning that she is supposed to be ordinary but she has all this hot guys swooning over her. I also dont like Reneesme that much but thats only because she’s spoilt and she’s Bella’s kid. (Am I the only one who thinks that it’s weird that Reneesme is imprinted to Jacob? I mean, come on, that’s just so gross! Whats he gonna tell her about his past girls ‘Oh the girl I was in love with before you was your mum! Yeah I had the hots for her and we even kissed! So now mother and daughter can compare notes) I like powdered gurgling babies, not babies that drink blood like milk (The idea is so wrong when it comes to babies for some reason).

So anyways, the movies on the other hand, is utter nonsense! I mean, as a whole, I dont know why these screen writes write the movie script sooo differently to how the book was originally written! It was be irritating at times, especially if you’ve followed the whole series for a long day (Think Harry Potter as well). Twilight falls in this category too. Since when does Bella make out with Jacob in front of Edward? NEVER! You can make changes to make the movie better, sure, but dont change important things like this! It disrupts the  whole flow!

Oh and I dont find Robert Pat cute at all. And he looks ultra horrible as a vampire. I mean, if I was in Forks and I saw RobPat as Edward, I would think ‘Ewww..’ He looks like an overpowdered ghost! White powder only looks and smells good on babies. Robert Pat fails miserably as a vampire. He supposed to be hot and brooding and mysterious. Instead all he pulls off is confused, uncomfortable and make up overdosed.

I also think Jasper is ugly. He looks like a lost dog most of the time. Really. Actually, he looks like a possessed dog with shaggy golden hair. I have this image of him with his tongue hanging out of his mouth that will just not go away!

Only Alice, Emmett and Carslile look good in the movie (though Carslile look better as a brunetter). Out of all the characters in the book, I like Carslile and Alice the best. There is just something raw and honest about them that makes them likeable. Esme too though she doesn’t have quite an impact as the other two.

Taylor Lautner is hot. But well, his body is amazingly hot but his face is averagely good looking. I used to think he was super hot in the movie but when I saw pictures of him on the Red Carpet, he looked like a triangle. He had buff, broad shoulders and a tiny waist. Argh!

All the werewolf actors are pretty hot though. Great eye candy during the movie. They should ALWAYS keep their shirts off! Robert Pat should keep his shirt on at all times! I dont get the girls who say they were turned on by him, cause I was just like noooo wayyy!! I mean, he has a white scrawny looking chest and has sprawny, spirally strands of hair that looks lame and disgusting! I’m not asking him to be hairy but he just looks so lame shirtless. How can you be turned on by that?

[If you saw Bradley Cooper or Channing Tatum is awesome shirtless then I'd swoon along withcha cause they are the meaning of hot!]

So anyways, out of all of Meyer’s books, I like her latest novella the best, The Short Second life of Bree Tanner. Now, that was brilliantly written. Short but precise. Bree really gave me a new outlook on things and proved to me that Bella truly is a er, sissy. (Bree thought she looked like a pet, if she looked like a pet then you can guess who looked like the masters!)

So yes, despite it all, I still like the Twilight saga. It has flaws yes, but it keeps me entertained and hey, I even have something to blog about because of it! So, yes I will continue watching this saga but please please dont tell me that Robert Pattinson is handsome and hot because he’s not.

Long live vampires! (Yes, I secretly want to be one and my special ability will be the ability to move objects with my mind and control peoples mind. Who says you cant be a vampire and an X-men mutant at the same time? )

When I woke up this morning, I had every intention of blogging on something I came up with called THE RANDOM LIST. I even had a few ‘items’ on that list ready for me to blog away.

That, obviously, did not happen because I’m here now to blog about something completely different!

You see, I woke up today and it seemed like any other ordinary Friday. Then as I was brushing my teeth and dozing off at the sink simultaneously, my mum comes barging into the bathroom and excitedly tells me (How can anyone be excited at  6.30 in the morning??) that Aunty Rat got the job in UK.

K, let me explain, Aunty Rat is my aunt (Duh) and she is a lecturer in MMU. She got an offer from a college in UK to work and she went there for an interview. She said the interview was gruesome and challenging. So when we got the news that she got it, well, even I was happy and excited. As happy and excited as I can get at 6.30 in the morning. (Which means, I went ‘Urg, gat’s great ma’)

So thats the first good news. The second good news I got was that Uncle Johnson, one of the happiest, fun uncles I know who was a little down in the dumps recently, got a new job. Now, it was 7.30am when I heard this so I did manage to shriek and say’ OMG! That’s awesome. I’m so so happy for him!’ and I was genuinely pleased.

I mean, I was going to be living with him and my aunt once I’m in London so I naturally want everyone to be really happy there cause then I can be in a happy, loving atmosphere. Hey, I have happy needs!

Oh and I ate this horrible oats for breakfast that had no taste at all and I kept retching. Yucks! But it makes me SUPER FULL so I dont feel hungry now. Hmm.

So well, good news three, my visa is done. Phew. Now I just have to pick it up. So leceh!

So  yes, I come to the 4th thing now which I’m not sure is good or bad-ish news. .

Today I have to do clearance at the IT department. Which means, today is the last day that I will have my office computer, my last day with an account to use the comp, my last day with my office email and the last day I can be online at work (3 days left to work without the Internet, how will I survive??)

And since today is my last virtual day at work on the computer, I’ve been getting the sweetest ever emails from my fellow VT’s and other colleagues.

You see, I’m actually looking forward to leaving here, I mean I did enjoy my internship here but I really want to hang loose before I start college. So I’ve got no hard feelings leaving. BUT, the one thing that I would miss is the people here. And  they being so nice now doesnt help as well! Ish!

My work email is gonna be wiped clean soon so Im gonna paste two of my favorite emails that I received today.

Dear Kaitlin,

I’ll miss you sweetie and thank you for helping me with the fax machine the other day.I’ll always remember the sweet little girl that I met on the first day of orientation

Thanks for being you and a good friend.

I hope that we’ll meet again someday in the future ( I can’t wait)

Lastly, good luck in all your future endeavors (especially in law school J )

With lots of love,Natalie

Kaitlin Dearie:

Indeed It was nice getting to know you and feeling sad that you have to leave & will miss you too.  Anyway It’s good thing as you’re embarking new phase in life as “college” student – more exciting and challenging as you move along in life.  Sincerely, I do wish you all the very best in whatever do, wherever you are & stay as the same sweet young thing I have known.  Please take care & don’t forget to have fun too.  God Bless you.

Warmest Regards, Cassie

Quotes:

“That is what learning is.  You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life but in a new way” – Doris Lessing, author.

“My education was interrupted only by my schooling” – Winston Churchill (I love this phrase!)

 The first one is from Natalie, a really nice girl studying at Hong Kong and the second one is from Cassie, a personal assistant of one of the big partners here.

Who wont cry reading this? Gosh. Really made me teary-ly sad. Aiya! Leaving is gonna be harder than I thought now! I really love these people – Joyee, Cassie, Regina, Sue Ann, Nat, Ling Yok, Joanne, Norzie, Ms Cindy, Mandy. I am going to enjoy every moment I can left here!

Plus everyone is being super nice to be and people are stopping me to bid me farewell and all the best and GOSH!

Plus there is another darling called Sue Ann who is organizing a farewell for me on Monday at Simply Penang and she reserved the place and all.

Why are they being soo super sweet??

I’m not trying to sound ungrateful but I’m honestly so really touched that I dont really know what to do with myself right now.

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On a brighter note, tomorrow is my girls day out with my besties Daya, Kalai and Mei Theng, who one of my favorite girls of all time! Sex and the City 2, HERE WE COME! The movie is to be followed by shopping and gossip gossip gossip!

Wooohhhooooooooooo!!!!

So here is to my last Friday at work! I love you people!

Yeap, as I’ve mentioned before, shopping is therapy for the soul! Name me one normal person who doesnt feel happy (albeit a bit guilty) after a good shopping spree and I’ll give you a blue lion sitting on a spiked rod.

Joyee and I rushed to Cotton On immediately after work and there were sooo many people there! I dont like crowded shops because I cant shop in peace and I’m in constant fear that the people around me might take something I like in my size and I wont be able to get it.

So I browsed around and I saw a few cute skirts but, horror behold!, they were out of size! Just my luck! Even Joyee was a tad dissapointed.

So I continued browsing when I saw a beautiful sign that said RM50 for 2 shoes!

Now I must warn you that I love ballet shoes! I love em so much because I dont have em. Yeap. You always think the grass is greener on the other side kan?

So well yes, I got majorly excited and I chose a black pair and a bronze pair! Its comfortable too.

The shoes there are fab and cause its all on sale its worth it. I dint buy more because I’m going off to London in two months and I already have 10 pairs of shoes I’m taking along with me so I have to limit myself. (Note: I have only ten pairs of shoes so yes, Im bringing everything. I cant bear to leave any behind in case I need to wear it)

I also got a pair of black tights cause all my full leg tights have dissapeared.

Joyee picked 12 outfits and bought none of them. Instead, before heading to the cashier, she choose this skirt, dint try it on and bought that instead.

To be honest, I dint buy any clothes there cause there were just too many people around for me to shop in peace!

So then, happy with our purchase, we then headed to Kitschen and well… I BLOODY HECK LOVE KITSCHEN!!!!!

Its FREAKING AWESOME! But please dont head over there now cause I want the place all to myself! Hehehe.

I entered heaven since everything was on discount!

I saw soooo many clothes there and some lovely dressed but I decided to be prudent and take the ones which were mega discounted only. I got a lovely, airy dress which is short so I look quite tall in it. Then I got a green blouse which makes me look tall as well since its slim cut but not too tight and is longish. I also got a jacket which I last saw on the runway model from my Hot Magazine. It looks awesome. PLus it was all discounted!

I also bought a thick, sequinced belt that makes my waist look tiny (Hides the extra pounds I put on since I started working) and also a pair of black shorts which was soo cool looking since it had three tiny studs on it which made it stand out.

I really wanted to insert pictures in this post but I cant find my camera charger so I cant take the pics. And once I put em in my closet (which has too much clothes but somehow I still have nothing to wear all the time), I’ll be too lazy to bring em out agian unless its to wear em.

All in all, I had a fantastic shopping day and now Mei Theng got influenced by my constant praise of this place so she’s going to shop there as well.

Did I mention that I had to RUN back to the carpark which was 15 minutes away and my legs hurt like nobody’s business. Former athletic konon.

I reached home, went on Facebook, yaked away to Daya and Mei Theng and noticed I was invited to an event. Kitlyn’s Farewell. I was wondering who on earth was this unknown chinese girl whose farewell I’ve been invited to. Then I found out that it was my farewell!

Good ol Sue Ann, a friend and collegue of mine is organizing it. It’s gonna be on next Monday, after work so I’m looking forward to it.

Then at work today, I the sweetest email ever from another collegue of mine, Chin Teck, inviting ALL 50 of the VTS to the farewell and saying some sweet things about me and how much I mean to him. I have never felt this love. I barely know this people and yet they are being so kind. *sighs*

I really am lucky.

I got further soul therapy when another collegue of mine gave me a box of home made tarts. She knew how much I loved em. It taste sooo awesome.

Then today, my boss gave me a gift! It’s a life hammer that can break windows, cut seatbelts, be a torchlight AND an emergency flash light. How nice are these people who I work with or what?

Then, tomorrow, my boss is treating the whole department to nasi briyani and pop water. lol.

Oh yeah, during lunch today, we went back to Cotton On and Joyee got two more skirts and I got another cute skirt as well.

Crazy shoppers, that’s what we are!

No wonder I feel so good today!

I also tried to win some tickets to the MTV Asia concert next month but to no avail! Damn! I so wanted to see Katy Perry and the other band whose name I suddenly forgot! Shit!

Ooopps! My transport is leaving me now! Gotta run! xx

Imma proud shopaholic!

England made it through! WOOHOO!

Let’s face it. England truly sucked when they played against USA and Algeria. They players played horribly and that’s me being kind here. I’m no football expert and I barely understand all the football and match terms but even then I could see that the Englishman were lacking coordination and were not playing like a team. The goalkeeper who screwed up is forgiven (To me at least) I mean, he was man enough to admit he was wrong without blaming the ball or the pitch or other players or the weather. He owned up. Good enough for me.

So anyways, Slovenia was doing pretty well in that group and England hadnt won any matches yet. The England players looked tired and I guess they were probably exhausted after a hectic pre world cup season with their own leagues and all. And lets face it, these Englishman can be ABIT of sissies. I dont blame them. They can brave the cold weather as their bodies are all heated up due to the amount of exertion they go through. But their bodies are not accustomed to the heat  and Africa is hot hot hot! And to the smartasses who say that England is hot during the summer then let me tell you that there is a big difference. Trust me. Of course I may be wrong but I just LOVE to make scandalous statements like this!

So yes, when the match started, I was nervous, especially after Harvinth (who supports Portugal?) dared Euga (England supporter like me!) to post his status as Im a wanker if England loses and he (Harvinth) will do the same if England wins. [Harvinth really hates England.] (Update:Euga wasnt brave enough to make the deal, I mean, that’s just how much of faith he has in ol England! so it’s changed to ‘I suck’ now.)

England played relatively well. I only watched the first half, where the goal was scored and they came really close to scoring other goals as well. They played much better than usual, there was more spirit, more team-ness (not a word I know) and less drama. I was pretty impressed with Englands goalkeeper when I found out he is 41 years old. I mean, thats old in football standards and he is still a good keeper. (He plays for Portsmouth but even though they have a rocking keeper, the team still sucks)

Rooney looked lethargic and tired though. He did not play that well. Perhaps the heat was getting to him. He had pink splotches on his face. Ah well, all he needs is a steaming hot steam bath to open his pores, 1 litre of cold water, a cold shower (after steam bath) and a good nights rest to perk him up.

So, all in all, I’m glad England is through the next round but they still have lots of catching up to do if they want to get close enough to actually lifting that cup. England has some really good players (I dont like that stinking cheating rat but I gotta admit Ashley Cole played well last night) but they need to BUCK UP now.

I’m glad USA went through as well but it is dissapointing that Africa is out. The people there must be taking it hard, being the host and all.

Hmm.. I’ve never been to Africa before but I wonder if it rains as heavy as it does here in Malaysia. Probably not but I will be super excited if it does and there is a match going on. They will be drenched!

So although I’m not really following the World Cup and I couldnt really care less about who won the cup, I’m still faithfully rooting for dear old England. Go make us proud England! (Since Malaysia will never ever be in the World Cup -and even if they do, they will be so bad that I’ll pretend I dont know who they are-, I therefore pledge my eternal and everlasting support to the English footie team!)

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Oh yes, if your wondering, Harvinth does need to admit he sucks now since England won and I bet Euga will be cursing himself for not keeping the deal to ‘Imma wanker!’

 PS. What’s a wanker??

Hellooo Cyberworld! 

Before I say anything else, I think I should at least admit that my last post was written with alot of emotion and I, being the occasional drama queen I can be, wrote it all out without second thought. So while all those emotions were what I truly felt at that time, now that I’ve slept on it and stopped dwelling on it, it’s not as bad as it seems anymore.

The anger feeling is gone and while if I think about it too much, I DO feel irritated, I just know that everyone is going to work out just fine, like it always does. Yeap, that’s me. The ever so optimistic Katie.

Which makes me wonder about my name sometimes.. I mean, my name is Kaitlin (only 5% of people I meet can pronounce it properly, K-8-lin, instead of the usual Kailin, Kite-lin or Katlin or even Katharine) but people know who me usually call me Kate. But there are a few exceptions who call me Katie instead. I usually dont allow people who I am not close to to call me Katie. I guess its because it was, first and foremost, a nickname only my grandmum called me (still is) but now, my dad, Aunty Aud, Rachael and Daya call me that as well.

Yes, I can count the number of people who call me Katie. LOL.

Katie sounds all, you know, sweet and darling-ish. Typical girl next door type. The sweet, pleasant, girl with the big smile type.

Kate, on the other hand, sounds like a type of person who is a little tougher, a go getter, a proffesional. The one who doesnt allow people to step over her head. The type that is serious and busy.

That’s  just in my opinion and I can safely say now that I am BOTH a Kate and a Katie. So I AM lucky to be named Kaitlin cause this way, I can be called both at different times, whichever one is more suitable at that moment.

Random huh?

Oh well, it’s Wednesday and after I go home today, I will have to brave only another 5 days of work before I’m free! Hehehe!

Work today was tough! My stomach felt quesy the whole day and my hands were full of glu, thanks to the million of envelopes I had to glu.

However, today is a special Wednesday because I have something to look forward to the moment the clock strikes 5.30. I’m going shopping with Joyee!!

WHEEE!!

Oh so shoot me. I’m a girl and yes, I love shopping. Deal with it.

Shopping is therapy to the soul. It makes you feel good!

So dug out my hidden cash stack to spend it today shopping at Kitschen and Cotton On, two new shops that Joyee introduced to me. It’s their sale so everything is on DISCOUNT! *cant wait*

Claire, my cousin, will be touching down in Malaysia this Friday and Suresh will be back next week and I CANT WAIT!

There are so many other things I wanna blog about now but I’ve got to do some stamping now and then its shopping time so till tomorrow!

I’m sad today. Not only am I sad but I’m frustrated,confused, jittery and very very upset. Hmm, wait, I’m angry too.

I wonder why all these emotions come crashing in all at once. It’s exhausting to be sad. It really takes a toll on a person if he or she is angry. It is sooo not fun to be confused. And now imagine if you feel like this all at once.

Well if you managed to do it then congratulations! You know how I feel.

I’m so mixed up that I cant even pinpoint my own emotion right now. It’s all like a steady dull thud thud thud going on in my head.

Blah! It all started last night and it had everything to do with my daddy dearest. Why he has to be so difficult at times is beyond me. Why he has to be extremely complicated baffles me. Why he is the way he is can really really make me down sometimes.

I’m just so frustrated! I feel so angry. So hurt. And now the wait is killing me. The wait to see if he chooses between me, his own flesh and blood – daugter and SHE, his annoying, interfearing, controlling, manipulative b****.

Er, no no, she’s not his b*****, its his er, someone whose name shall not be mentioned in case it gets back to her, interfearing cow that she is.

I feel so mad! So so mad! And to a certain extent, I dont even know why I’m feeling like this.

I just want to lie in bed, under my blanket with my favorite bolster and pretend as if any of this is not happening right now.

I dont know what I’ll do if he chooses her over me. He did choose her actually, but then I dint know about it and he assumed I’d be okay with it. Hell to the NO! I was darn suprised, cause after all, it’s bloody hell concerning me! So I told him how I felt and now we have to see. I hate this deciding who to choose game that is going on and I certainly dint want it to come to this. But I’ve never stood my ground when it came to her and all those past hurts of her lying and manipulating me and everyone else has just made me say enough is enough.

Now to be fair, she is a perfectly lovely lady. She’s a good person but her bad qualities are just so overpowering and she is soo.. cunning that only a few people notice it. And it’s the people who dont try to suck up to her know it.

I’m scared now. I feel as if I’m losing ground. I feel lost, insecure and disorientated. I just want it to be all okay again!

God, please please help me. I feel so helpless right now. Oh my guardian angel, make everything work out please! You know what I want and what I need,  so please help me.

I have come to realize that there is a big difference between a father and a dad. There are the obvious things that separate the two like a father basically gives his sperm to MAKE the baby but a dad is actually around when the baby is born and will be throughout the childs life.

Then there are the not so obvious things that differenciate the two. A father can be a man who IS around when the baby is born is there throughout the child’s life but he doesnt provide much to the childs emotional and spiritual well-being. Only a real Dad gives a damn about all aspects of his child’s life. It doesnt matter how he shows it but as long as he does, it’s, to a certain extent, good enough.

I’m lucky because my dad is the type of Dad who fits the bill in all aspects. He lectures me endlessly. He tells me off. He is overprotective and overbearing. He treats me like a child even though I’m not legally an adult. He gives me limited privacy. He wants me to be single for the rest of my live. He wants me to stay in his house till I’m 35 years of age. He has high expectations and a strong, strange way on how I should lead my life (He doesnt impose it much on me though).

And yes, I feel frustrated at times but despite it all, I love my dad and also every one of his lectures,overprotective attitude and strange ideas. Cause, truth be told, all this little actions of his tells me that hey, he cares a whole of a lot and he’s not the type who’s gonna throw me out on my ass as soon as I’m an adult. It shows his true, everlasting, overflowing love he has for me.

You see, I understand my dad. He is not the type of guy who gives hugs randomly nor is he the type that has heart to heart chats with me. Heck, he’s not even the type who comes for every single event of mine at school!

And for years I wondered why he never came. The thought that he dint care did enter my mind more than once. Years later I found out the reason why he dint like to come for this little events of mine (Sports, debate, plays). He was scared. Yeah, he was scared that I’d lose or get hurt or that I might get distracted if I saw him. He was also afraid that he might get emotional if I did win and he said his nerves could’nt stand it.He prefered to sit alone at home, in the hall, in his favorite chair with the phone in his hand, for any sort of news that my mum might have (She came for EVERYTHING).

Then, he’d take us out for dinner when we came home.

That’s my dad.

The kind of guy who will wake up in the middle of the night to come and check on his children. The kind of guy who got all excited and bought enough medicine for a whole African tribe when one of my siblings got sick. The type of guy who even though his paycheck was low that month, would take us all out to eat. The type of guy who will send me and fetch me anywhere I want to go. The type of guy who buys me the stuff I want. The type of guy who takes the family out for outings and to the cinema. The type of guy who wanted to be involved whenever I was making any sort of big decisions.

He is who he is and he’s perfect in that way. He never tries to be somebody is not.

I am lucky to have him and though he may not be perfect in reality, he is the the perfect dad to me. He loves me and that’s enough reason for me to be happy and to be very very lucky and grateful.

So dad, I may get irritated and frustrated and angry at you sometimes but always know that I will love you unconditionally for the rest of my life. I’ll always be your little girl and now that I’m big enough, it’s my turn to catch you whenever you stumble. I love you dad.

Have you ever experienced a moment where you know you shouldn’t be upset and you tried your hardest not to be upset but you still end up being upset as well? Well, I experienced exactly that yesterday.

I spent my Monday  running around, preparing for my visa application which was on Tuesday. I got that done on Tuesday after more running around (Seriously, the visa application process is just ridiculous. This cannot, that cannot, everything also want to make it so unnecesarily difficult. Gosh, the horror!).

So Wednesday, back to work (It felt worst than a Monday…) and after work, met up with my mum and sister at MidValley where my sister spent the whole day shopping (must have taken it after me). So, we had our dinner then we were walking when I saw this amazingly cute backback which was cream in colour with roses scattered all over it. It was beautiful. I showed it to my sister and she liked it as well so my mum bought it for her!

How unfair is that? (I REALLY fell in love with the bag ok..) But well, knowing my sister, she will get bored of it after awhile and if that happens, its all mine! hahaha. (This was the moment I was talking about)

So anyways, it’s my last two weeks and one day of work left (sentence sounds wrong) so I’m pretty excited about finishing my internship and enjoying the rest of my ‘holiday’ before I start college. I’m just praying times flies by.

I was filling in some of the forms I need to fill in (Weird sentence again. Hmm..) and I had to send my appraisal form to my boss. And guess what? She gave me a darn freaking good appraisal! I mean, its beyond good, its excellent! Din’t knew she liked me THAT much. haha.

So looks like I’m getting a good working experience report. So so happy! I love my boss!

By the way, did I mention that I know a lady who thinks I’m psychic? Seriously. She honestly believes it and she aint joking. I wish I was but then again, I prefer not to have any sort of communication with er, out of earth beings.

So that’s it for today I guess! Till tomorrow (Friday, oh JOY!).