I’m sad today. Not only am I sad but I’m frustrated,confused, jittery and very very upset. Hmm, wait, I’m angry too.
I wonder why all these emotions come crashing in all at once. It’s exhausting to be sad. It really takes a toll on a person if he or she is angry. It is sooo not fun to be confused. And now imagine if you feel like this all at once.
Well if you managed to do it then congratulations! You know how I feel.
I’m so mixed up that I cant even pinpoint my own emotion right now. It’s all like a steady dull thud thud thud going on in my head.
Blah! It all started last night and it had everything to do with my daddy dearest. Why he has to be so difficult at times is beyond me. Why he has to be extremely complicated baffles me. Why he is the way he is can really really make me down sometimes.
I’m just so frustrated! I feel so angry. So hurt. And now the wait is killing me. The wait to see if he chooses between me, his own flesh and blood – daugter and SHE, his annoying, interfearing, controlling, manipulative b****.
Er, no no, she’s not his b*****, its his er, someone whose name shall not be mentioned in case it gets back to her, interfearing cow that she is.
I feel so mad! So so mad! And to a certain extent, I dont even know why I’m feeling like this.
I just want to lie in bed, under my blanket with my favorite bolster and pretend as if any of this is not happening right now.
I dont know what I’ll do if he chooses her over me. He did choose her actually, but then I dint know about it and he assumed I’d be okay with it. Hell to the NO! I was darn suprised, cause after all, it’s bloody hell concerning me! So I told him how I felt and now we have to see. I hate this deciding who to choose game that is going on and I certainly dint want it to come to this. But I’ve never stood my ground when it came to her and all those past hurts of her lying and manipulating me and everyone else has just made me say enough is enough.
Now to be fair, she is a perfectly lovely lady. She’s a good person but her bad qualities are just so overpowering and she is soo.. cunning that only a few people notice it. And it’s the people who dont try to suck up to her know it.
I’m scared now. I feel as if I’m losing ground. I feel lost, insecure and disorientated. I just want it to be all okay again!
God, please please help me. I feel so helpless right now. Oh my guardian angel, make everything work out please! You know what I want and what I need, so please help me.